Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
