I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
