this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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