Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
