i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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