What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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