I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
As shirtless as possible
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
