You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
