Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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