I'm jealous of your bromance
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
