chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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