There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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