It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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