He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
