my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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