do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
