My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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