So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
