All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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