The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
