i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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