big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
