she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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