I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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