apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
