At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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