you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I have post one night stand depression
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
