I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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