she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
