I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
