I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
