is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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