During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
not ubering you a puppy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
