Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I CAN MOONWALK!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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