There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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