you traded sex for a burrito?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
