You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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