Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His nipple licking is glorious
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