i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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