Taylor Swift is so right about you.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
