I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
