YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
