my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
