It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
