My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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