I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
