someone threw a dead crab at me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Randomize
