She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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