Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
