I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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