Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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