Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
