I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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