can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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