i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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