Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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