I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
