We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found your dick twin last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
