I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
