So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
