I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
