apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
