Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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