we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
