ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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