she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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