Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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