sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
