I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
