Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
