hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
