your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
