What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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