Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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