You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
