alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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