you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
