I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
